FAQs

In anticipation of the wave of questions I expect to receive from avid readers of this blog, I have decided to preemptively answer what I predict will be common inquiries.

Are there lots of foreign tourists in China?
Yes.

Do they turn up their nose at you and act offended that they are not the only white person in China?
Yes.

How many foreigners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to do it, and the other to document it with a camera from several different angles in 6 different settings, including ¨Candlelight.¨

How bad is the pollution in China?
It is so bad that it takes you ten minutes to realize that the beautiful mountain range being described by your tour guide is next to the road you are on.

How many bobby pins have you lost?
13.

Did you buy a hat made of sheep wool?
Yes

Is it itchy?
A little.

Do the pants that babies wear in China have holes for pooping?
Yes.

Do you wish your pants had a hole for pooping?
Not really.

Are you sure?
Yes.

Why not?
What do you mean, why not? It isn´t practical.

Isn´t it completely practical?
No, my butt would get cold.

Why are you getting so testy?
I don´t know, why are you asking stupid questions?

Why are you answering them?
...

What is wrong with your apostrophe?
I don´t know. The key is broken. It turns everything into an ole´ thing.

That is stupid.
You´re stupid.

You´re the one making up the questions.
Shut up.

Why don´t you just write in a diary so that you don´t embarrass yourself online?
Because my chopstick muscle has been making my hand cramp when I write.

That is a terrible reason.
That is not a question. YOU LOSE!

Why don´t you just go to bed?
I think I will.

Do you hope that everyone reads the previous post instead of this one?
Yes.