Who cares about formatting!

sorry the formatting is weird and the captions dont line up with pictures. Use your imagination :D

SUPERMATURAL RUB FEET ROCK

On a handout for a foot pressure point mat:

¨SUPERMATURAL RUB FEET ROCK.
Function go feet mat do feet crack feet helosis bermatophytosis a thletss foot sole coarseness callus scurf againpuregold point a good many evermore knea d be tet upto dispel illness repel wane lose eye forgettery hae mark edness curative effect.
Csage feet and root classs at one fime dip in re view water five minvee genely rub sole this or that b ut ue after ehenar velvet pliability especiany be well.¨

Excuse me while I go scurf my againpuregold. ahahah






So the picture above has a sign in the bus window that says ¨Welcome, Atkinson Norah Group of USA!¨ <- This is what our tour guide was holding when we arrived in Datong, China. I am pleased that the Chinese Communist Party saw to it that I was welcomed properly to their glorious country...otherwise I might have had to resign from my ambassadorial position.






So this is Asuka at night, after a long bike trip. I wonder who lives here. Sugoi!















I took this picture from the top of our college in Kyoto. It is literally built into a hill.








A massive Japanese graveyard in the hills of Kyoto. There are lots of restrictions on building here, so none of the mountains are developed. It´s like as if no one were allowed to build anything in the Hollywood Hills. Except these hills are green and luscious and not on fire! I just saw on the news that California is burning down. Oyoyoy,
I will pray to the mountain kami for California rain.

Tomorrow I go to see my old host family! Bullet train time. WOOOO! Don´t look out the window, bleaaugh :P And then, ON TO TOKYOOOOO.

Oh, yeah

¨Grundge Mat¨ is the name of a hair product that I simply had to buy...because it is called Grundge Mat.

I am curious to see the effects of said Grundge Mat. More updates will follow.

Grundge Mat

Okay, okay, i know. This picture is really cheesy. This is the picture in the backflap of your spiritual self-help book that says something like:

¨RIVERDREAM ATKINSON lives in Papua New Guinea with her three dogs and seven parakeets. When she´s not writing, she spends her time loving life and basking in the glorious warmth of the dharma.¨

hahar. But really, this is actually a very peaceful spot. It´s at the Yungang Grottoes near Datong in China, a huge industrial city that pumps black smog at the Buddhist sculptures and deteriorate them. The World Heritage UNESCO people declared it a world heritage site, so the government redirected traffic nearby to help with pollution. That´s great, what about the FREAKING COAL MINES NEXT DOOR? duhr!

¨But Norah, aren´t you in Japan?¨

So I´m a little behind. I was writing a paper last night about imperial patronage and the influence of Buddhism in state policy. I slept at 6am. Except I had drunk 3.5 cups of coffee and 5 cups of black tea, so every three minutes my leg would twitch and wake me up. So I basically pulled an all nighter. Ew, the toy poodle of my host family just farted in my lap and it smells like the worst thing ever. They don´t feed him much, so I wouldn´t be surprised if he munches on something inedible and smelly when no one´s around.

Anyway, Japan! I´ve been going to aerobics classes with my host mom. That´s funny because I just made a typo and wrote ¨hot mom¨ which is actually accurate, because she is probably pushing 50 but looks 35. No wrinkles! Yesterday when I was looking for dog food (trying to feed poor Guffy who probably ate a shoe out of desperation) I opened a cupboard FULL OF TINY PINK BOTTLES of collagen! I mean, Full. Like in the cartoons when you open the closet and the kitchen sink falls out. I think there were easily 100 bottles in this cupboard. So I came to the obvious conclusion which is that she must be a witch. A Collagen Witch.

She´s actually really great. She´s been taking me to this aerobics class and every time I mess up (as in, the instructor raises her hands and says ¨Skip to the front!¨ and everyone skips to the front and I raise my hands instead. Who the heck knows the word for skip? I was just doing what the instructor was doing...some wavy arm thing...anyway) the mom CRACKS up and man she has a big mouth. She really likes me because I do the laundry and walk the dog (and feed him, sssh!) and speak to her in Japanese. I am still slightly terrified of her. If I didn´t know that she was a nice person, I would think she would make an really good Evil Stepmother for some modern day fairy tale movie. You know, really put together and what not. But still kind of scary. Gosh, I don´t know why this is coming out like she´s evil. She´s nice...I promise..!!

A few days ago I walked the dog and i missed a little turd when I was picking up his poop (i honestly didn´t see it, it was NIGHT TIME) and the owner of the street (? i mean really, this was like in the street) was nearby and ran over and said (in Japanese): ¨HEY! HEY! WHAT´S THAT? Don´t you pick up after your dog in your own country? What country are you from!¨ and I said ¨Canada.¨

(I also apologized a billion times for not seeing it, but finally I just walked away because it looked like he was going to poop a small Guffy). I don´t feel bad for not saying the U.S., because this guy is going to think that no one in the U.S. picks up dog poop For The Rest of His Life and I just couldn´t have him think that.

That being said, I plan on leaving him a flaming bag of Guffy poo on his doorstep tomorrow.

(Not.)

Last week I was on the train and a sad looking, tiny little boy (almost 2 yrs old) was sitting with his mom facing me, and I started playing peek-a-boo with him using my scarf. He sort of looked curious, but his eyebrows were still all furrowed and so i put the scarf on my head and wiggled the ends like big floppy ears and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. It sort of looked like he was smiling! I mean, this kid was a TOUGH AUDIENCE. The mom was very happy that I made him smile, and when the man next to her got up she gestured for me to come and sit with her. So I did!

She was really sweet...apologized for her little kid because he had a cold and she had to drop him off at his grandma´s before she went to work. I mean, I´ve seen little kids with colds before, but this kid looked SAD. In a sort of detached, jaded, adult-on-a-long-commute kind of way. I think he may have had mild autism...just from what you´ve told me, mom, and you know. He just wasn´t acting like a normal kid does...wasn´t acknowledging any stimulus. When I saw him sitting there, I decided I had to make him smile. It literally took me 15 minutes. His mom seemed so sweet....I hope he turns out okay..

Gosh what a downer of an entry! Japan really is a lot of fun and goofiness..but some entries will be more somber than others, I suppose.

Allison and I are making tortilla soup for the fam tonight (Allison is the other exchange student). I hope they like itttt! She found an avocado! Yay.

To be continued!

FAQs

In anticipation of the wave of questions I expect to receive from avid readers of this blog, I have decided to preemptively answer what I predict will be common inquiries.

Are there lots of foreign tourists in China?
Yes.

Do they turn up their nose at you and act offended that they are not the only white person in China?
Yes.

How many foreigners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to do it, and the other to document it with a camera from several different angles in 6 different settings, including ¨Candlelight.¨

How bad is the pollution in China?
It is so bad that it takes you ten minutes to realize that the beautiful mountain range being described by your tour guide is next to the road you are on.

How many bobby pins have you lost?
13.

Did you buy a hat made of sheep wool?
Yes

Is it itchy?
A little.

Do the pants that babies wear in China have holes for pooping?
Yes.

Do you wish your pants had a hole for pooping?
Not really.

Are you sure?
Yes.

Why not?
What do you mean, why not? It isn´t practical.

Isn´t it completely practical?
No, my butt would get cold.

Why are you getting so testy?
I don´t know, why are you asking stupid questions?

Why are you answering them?
...

What is wrong with your apostrophe?
I don´t know. The key is broken. It turns everything into an ole´ thing.

That is stupid.
You´re stupid.

You´re the one making up the questions.
Shut up.

Why don´t you just write in a diary so that you don´t embarrass yourself online?
Because my chopstick muscle has been making my hand cramp when I write.

That is a terrible reason.
That is not a question. YOU LOSE!

Why don´t you just go to bed?
I think I will.

Do you hope that everyone reads the previous post instead of this one?
Yes.

Touring, touring, touring

Greetings from Shanghai, where the word on the street is FASHION. Or perhaps, CANKLES. It is a blustery 20-something degrees Celsius, which means unusually warm and humid. Many women here sport shorter skirts in honor of the blatant effects of global warming. Others are still holding out for fall weather, selling faux-fur-lined puffy vests* from street corners and squinting up at the sky as if to say ¨Hurry up and get cold so I can sell more gaudy furry vests to unsuspecting tourists for a ridiculously inflated price!!!¨

* (Note: I do not understand puffy vests. If it is cold enough outside to warrant a down, puffy vest with furry lining, is it still warm enough to have barely covered arms? I do not know about you, but my arms are just as important to me as my torso. I would be seriously upset if I lost just my arms to frostbite while wearing a gaudy purple puffy fur vest that I bought with good money in Shanghai.)

On the street, I saw a couple wearing sweaters of the exact same shade of purple. I reasoned that they had only just started dating, and probably weren´t living together yet, maybe because the girl (let´s call her Judy) has a very strict father who wants Judy to live at home while helping with the family lacquer business, and the guy (Terrence) lives in an apartment with three other boys, all of whom are too smelly/crude/unimpressive to introduce to Judy just yet. After all, they just started dating. I know all this because two people who lived together and got dressed together would never intentionally wear this same color purple on the same day. Unless, of course, they did it to keep from losing each other in the crowd. Which is entirely possible.

Yesterday on the train to Shanghai I made up a game called How Many Disney* Songs Can You Sing Off the Top of Your Head In 5 Minutes and the answer is 13.
* (Songs from Anastasia and Ferngully do not count because they are not from Disney, but I sang them anyway so that makes 18 if you count them).

I also made a game called Make Up Your Own Inspirational Disney Hero Song As You Sing It and this is what I came up with:

¨(pounding drums in the background)
On this journey, I don´t know where I am going
But I know that this way is true
Show me a sign! (drumbeats) so IIII can find...
The place where I will find youuuu

(music swells! Hero stands precariously on tree branch/cliff/moving object and looks into distance)

Here I am! All alone! On a journey for trrrruth...
I don´t know, what to do
So I am counting on YOUUU
Give me a sign! Let me leave!
This pa-aast behiiiind...
(music swells back down)

Help me find the waaaay
Away from who I waaasss...
Onto something newwww...
Wiiiiiiith yoooooooooou.¨

Then Jeff Schmitz* asks ¨What movie is that from?¨ And I laugh to myself and say ¨I just made it up.¨

* (Note: Jeff is not surprised. Jeff knows every Disney movie soundtrack ever produced, including all the gospel parts to the opening of Hercules.)

I just finished a room-service dinner, which was described as Wonton Soup and Plain Boiled Chicken With Shanghai Style. The plain boiled chicken part was quite enticing although I admit I was a little curious to see what Shanghai style was...

Well, when it arrived, it looked like a normal piece of boiled chicken, sliced and arranged in a little filet. How delightful! Except that when I flipped it over, all the bones and gristle and rib-part-things were still attached. Shanghai-ed, indeed!!

I cut away the bones and ate the meager leftovers, and am now preparing to go out for noodles with Lindsey*, my roommate, who a few hours earlier called me the Human Jukebox.

* (Note: Lindsey has tattoos on her leg and her back. She also has good-smelling body products. I smell them when she´s not looking.**)

** (Her bath products, not her tattoos.)

Lindsey is giving me a funny look. Noodle time!

Biking in Beijing!

Today we woke up at 3:30am, clambered onto a coach bus, and hopped a flight to Beijing. Short flight!! Safa and I sat next to Regina, a cute half-Samoan girl from Australia who had been on a missionary trip in northern Mongolia. We played Mad Libs and then traded UB (Ulaan Baatar) stories-- she hugged me goodbye at baggage claim and waved goodbye in her ¨I Love Cairns¨ t-shirt.

BEIJING! Despite my apprehensions, my first reaction was this: ¨Niiiiice!¨. A beautiful blue sky greeted us outside (although tinged with brown) and the drive to our hostel was...GREEN.

For some reason I had imagined Beijing to be pure, solid, cold concrete: gray air, gray buildings, gray bulletin boards. On the contrary, the entire length of the freeway ride was lush with trees...tall ones with broad canopies and some young saplings. I asked Daniel, a UPS alum who lives nearby, if it was new. He said they were all transplanted for the Olympics. Talk about a sweet social expenditure!

So we are definitely staying in the high end of Beijing. For lunch, we ate a delicious meal of mapo tofu, orange chicken (it tasted like chicken nugget with a spicy Cheeto sauce- aka DELICIOUS) and chow mein. Mm!! 4 people ate for under $2 each. WOW.

After lunch, Safa, Todd, Epiphany and I went for a bike ride through the city-- the hostel provides bicycles for rent! Todd´s chain fell off and none of our brakes worked but it was terrific! The wonderful thing about Beijing is that there are bike lanes EVERYWHERE. I am talking 12-20 foot wide bike lanes on every main street. This was so exhilarating-- the sun was bright, good smells wafted out of every restaurant, and people smiled and waved and said Ni hao! We said hi back and dinged our little bells.

Suddenly we came upon a long red wall. A really long red wall. Epiphany said, ¨Hm, is this what I think it is?¨ and all of a sudden, BOOM! The Forbidden City! Complete with Mao´s portrait and throngs of pedestrians. On the other side of the street was that place where that thing happened you know when. It was covered in floats left over from the Olympics and there was a massively gaudy fountain in the middle covered surrounded by flowers. We stopped and oohed and ahhed and then pedaled on, delighted by the fact that we had stumbled upon two terrific landmarks- on bikes!

We then stopped for a snack. The owner was watching soaps. The menu was all in Chinese with no pictures, so I pointed to two random appetizers and she said ¨Dui¨ and then screamed over Safa´s head, ¨HAU! HAAAAAAAU!¨ Then a door popped open from the wall and nearly knocked Safa out of his chair, and out peeped a man who said ¨Shenme!¨ (¨What!¨) Then she yelled at him more and he ran through a door in the other wall and popped a dish out through a little flap, which she plopped in front of us. It tasted like strip of tofu with cilantro. The second dish was a nice complement-- sweet radishes. The entire time we ate, she sat in the back and watched this soap opera about a doctor in a love triangle and a crazy woman and a construction worker. When we asked for the bill, she said okay and then sat and waited for the commercial. We weren´t mad because we were watching it too, along with her son who was squatting on the floor and munched on a melon twice the size of his head.

At the end, we wanted to double-check our location so I said ¨Women zainar?¨ which is literally ¨Us where?¨ and she showed us. YAY! Evie, aren´t you proud of me? I not only asked an intelligible question in Chinese, but I also figured out where we were on the map! (We got lost on the way back anyway but that was not my fault.)

Dinner was greasy and spicy. The entire family who owned this restaurant literally pulled us off the street and sat and watched us eat our food. The cups were greasy but the tea was delicious, a sort of cinnamon, nutmeg-y green tea.

Now I am back in the lounge of the hostel which has a terrific wifi connection, chilling with Fayez, Kelsey, Nat, Reed and Mark from UPS (who is studying abroad in Beijing and met up with us tonight). I am content and happy and greatly looking forward to my soft bed tonight.

I don´t know if I will be able to/ it is wise to upload my Mongolia pictures, so those will come eventually! More soon!